3-第一章：登入敌船课

很久很久以前，在一个寒冷的国度，起雾的一天，七艘维京小船漂过一片被称为沃登浴缸的海（the Sea-Known-as-Woden's-Bathtub）。大雾吞噬了北边的宁静部落（The Peaceable Country）和西边的伯克岛，而且，的确，大雾之上让那几艘船变成几艘天空之船，远离海面航行在高高的云层中。
在前面的第一艘船，肥猪号（The Fat Boar）上，坐着的是打嗝高伯，他是一个六英尺半高（≈1.98m）的巨人，穿着短小多毛的短裤，腿上的肌肉大得难以形容，胡子像被闪电击中的刺猬。高伯是伯克岛上海盗训练项目的负责人，这次的雾中航行是登入敌船课程的一部分。
跟着肥猪号的是六艘小不丁船，每艘船上有两个孩子，他们都是高伯的学生，是毛霍里根部落的年轻成员。

“好啦，你们这些娇滴滴的恶心混球！”高伯大叫道，他的声音大得几英里外都能听到。“我们现在就在一艘显眼的宁静部落渔船上练习登入敌船…有人记得伏击的第一条规则吗？”
“突袭敌人，长官！”鼻涕粗叫道。他个子高高的，看上去很不讨人喜欢，一副自命不凡的样子，鼻孔很大，长了点小胡子。
“很好，鼻涕粗。”打嗝高伯咕噜道，然后他继续大声说，“在这么厚的雾里，敌船根本没有机会看到你在靠近！”
‘然而他们不是聋的，’小嗝嗝·霍兰德斯·哈道克三世想，他阴郁地试图透过雾窥视，‘当然，除非我们幸运地遇到一些完全聋的宁静部落渔民……’
令人惊讶的是，小嗝嗝·霍兰德斯·哈道克三世是这个故事的英雄。我之所以说惊讶，是因为小嗝嗝给你的第一印象不会有多么的与众不同。他身材矮小，满脸雀斑，相貌平平，在人群中总是被人忽视。

他的龙，无牙，此刻正躺在小嗝嗝衬衫的前面睡着，那条龙和他的主人一样平凡无奇。关于无牙，唯一真正值得注意的是它是如此的小。至少它是别的男孩的龙的一半大小。
你能想象得到，这并不是什么值得夸耀的事情。
高伯的喊声惊醒了小龙。它把鼻子从小嗝嗝外衣领里伸了出来。“发...发生什么事？”它用龙语困倦地问道。
龙说龙语，只有小嗝嗝能听懂这种迷人的语言。
“哦，没什么，”小嗝嗝小声回答，无牙用爪子搔着犄角后面。(它喜欢那样做。)“高伯在喊，鼻涕粗在炫耀，还有。我们都被浓雾和寒冷包围，然而此刻我们本可以蜷缩在火堆前……你想继续睡就睡吧。”
无牙咯咯地笑了。“你们这...这些维...维京人简直疯...疯了，”它说，“午...午餐的时候，把无...无牙叫醒……”它又钻进小嗝嗝左边腋窝旁边那个温暖的地方，再次闭上了眼睛。

小嗝嗝和他最好的朋友鱼脚司在一条船上，鱼脚司比小嗝嗝还要瘦，看起来很像竹签，他还有哮喘和斜视。鱼脚司把他的手举在空中。
“他们看不见我们，先生，这很好，”他很有逻辑地指出，“可是，我们怎么才能看到他们，以便我们先登上他们的船呢？”
“小菜一碟，哦，你这浮游生物的笨脑。”高伯大声说，他似乎对自己很满意。“宁静部落的渔船后面总是跟着一群黑背海龙（Blackbacked Seadragon），那些龙希望能不劳而获。你所要做的就是随着它们发出的吵闹声，就会找到一艘船。然后你就直接上船，大喊毛霍里根的战争口号：跟着我念……YAAAAAAAAAH！”
“YAAAAAAAAAH！”十个男孩朝他喊道，像疯子一样挥舞着他们的剑。
“Yaaaaah，”小嗝嗝和鱼脚司重复着，语气软弱无力。

高伯“那些宁静部落的人害怕我们毛霍里根族，沃登才知道为什么会这样……好了，小伙子们，把他们的头盔偷走来证明你们完成任务，然后向我报告。这就像从婴儿身上偷浆果一样！”，高伯咆哮道。
“哦，我差点忘了。我真是的……”高伯漫不经心地笑了。“你必须记住的一件事是，无论如何都不能离开这个海湾。这非常重要，因为就在这里的南面有一股夏季洋流（Summer Current），你们都知道夏季洋流里生活着什么……”
“鲨虫龙（Sharkworms），”鱼脚司咕哝道。
“没错，鱼脚司。”高伯大声说。“我知道我们的自然历史学专家小嗝嗝可以告诉我们一些关于鲨虫龙的事情。”
“当然可以，先生。”小嗝嗝回答道，他很高兴被问到关于他最喜欢的东西——龙。他从口袋里掏出一本脏兮兮的小笔记本，上面写着‘如何讲龙语’，字体很大，字迹潦草。在这本书中，小嗝嗝记录了龙的语言，并描述了各种龙及其习性。

“嗯，”小嗝嗝说，艰难地阅读着自己的笔迹，“鲨虫龙是一种长得很像鲨鱼的龙。成年的龙可以长到大约六米长，它们至少有五排牙齿——”
“继续，孩子！”高伯喊道。
“它们是高度肉食性动物，它们不仅会把船弄沉，还会爬到船上攻击你……在陆地上，它们可以轻而易举地跑得过人……我建议，长官，即使我们有机会碰到鲨虫龙，我们也应该立即离开那个区域。”
“看在雷神的份上，孩子，”高伯咧嘴一笑，“你要是抱着这种态度，可能永远出不了家门。我要把你们训练成海盗，而不是软蛋。”
“要是我们迷路了怎么办，先生？”鱼脚司恳求道。
“迷路？”高伯吐了一口唾沫。“迷路！维京人从不迷路！”
“说实在的，先生，”鼻涕粗讥笑道，“我不明白你为什么不把小嗝嗝没用和他那失败的鱼脚司朋友彻底赶出部落。那两个是我们部落的耻辱。”

小嗝嗝和鱼脚司看起来很可怜。
“我意思是，看看他们的船吧，先生。”鼻涕粗继续嘲笑道，“我们是维京人，先生，是古代世界有史以来最伟大的造船者，先生。像这样的木筏子，只会让我们显得可笑。”
“你以为你很聪明，鼻涕粗，”小嗝嗝坚决地反驳，“这条船比你想的要快得多。要知道，外表决定不了什么……”
不幸的是，鼻涕粗说得有道理。
希望海雀号（The Hpoeful Puffin）更像是一场事故的残骸，而不是一艘真正的船。
那船是小嗝嗝和鱼脚司在造船课上造出来的，他们俩在木工方面一窍不通。这艘船的设计有大问题，它本应该像维京人的船那样又长又细，结果却是又肥又圆。船的桅杆太长，歪向左边，所以在大风中就只能原地打转。
船身还有漏水。
每隔半小时，鱼脚司和小嗝嗝就得记住，要用小嗝嗝的头盔去舀出船底的海水（鱼脚司的头盔也是漏水的）。

高伯看着那只希望海雀号。
“嗯。”高伯若有所思地说。“你说的可能有道理，鼻涕粗。现在！”他轻快地继续说。
“我喇叭一响，训练就开始。”他把一支卷曲的号角举到嘴边。
图片来自驯龙高手：亲衣节日志“噢吼吼，跳跳水母啊，”鱼脚司呻吟道，“我讨厌海盗训练项目！我们会迷路的……我们要沉了……我们会被鲨虫龙慢慢地吃掉……”
“S-C-R-E-E-E-ECH！”号角被吹响了。
希望海雀号1. THE BOARDING-AN-ENEMY-SHIP LESSON
Once upon a foggy day in a cold, cold country long, long ago, seven small Viking boats floated through the Sea-Known-as-Woden's-Bathtub. The fog had swallowed up the Peaceable Country to the north, and the Isle of Berk to the west, and, indeed, had swallowed up so much of everything that it was as if the boats were sky-boats, and had left the earth entirely, and were sailing through cloud banks way, way up in the air.

In the first boat, The Fat Boar, sat Gobber the Belch, a six-and-a-half-foot giant in teeny-weeny hairy shorts, who had leg muscles so enormous they had muscles of their own, and a beard like a hedgehog struck by lightning. Gobber was the teacher in charge of the Pirate Training Program on the Isle of Berk, and this sail through the fog was part of a Boarding-an-Enemy-Ship lesson.

The six boy-sized boats that were following The Fat Boar each had two boys in them, and these boys were Gobber's pupils, young members of the Tribe of the Hairy Hooligans.
"OK, YOU DISGUSTING GLOBS OF GIRLY SNOT!" yelled Gobber, in a bellow so loud it could be heard several miles away. "WE ARE NOW GOING
TO PRACTICE BOARDING AN ENEMY SHIP ON THE EASY TARGET OF A PEACEABLE FISHING BOAT ... CAN ANYONE REMEMBER THE FIRST RULE OF AMBUSH?"

"TAKE THE ENEMY BY SURPRISE, SIR!" shouted out Snotface Snotlout, a tall, unpleasantly smug-looking boy with gigantic nostrils and the beginnings of a small mustache.
"Very good, Snotlout," purred Gobber the Belch, and he continued at full volume: "IN A FOG THIS THICK YOUR VICTIM SHIP WILL NOT HAYE A CHANCE OF SEEING YOU COMING!"

They can hear us, though, thought Hiccup Horrendous Haddock the Third, gloomily trying to peer through the fog, unless, of course, we have the luck to stumble across some completely deaf peaceable fishermen...
Hiccup Horrendous Haddock the Third is, rather surprisingly, the Hero of this story. I say surprisingly, because the first thing you noticed about Hiccup was how very, very ordinary he was. He was on the small side, with a slightly freckled, absolutely average face that would always get overlooked in a crowd.

His dragon, Toothless, who was at that moment asleep down the front of Hiccup's shirt, was just as average as his owner. The only truly remarkable thing about Toothless was how remarkably small he was. He was at least half the size of the other boys' dragons.
And, as you can imagine, this wasn't something to boast about.

Gobber's shouting woke the little dragon up. He poked his nose out of the neck of Hiccup's tunic. "W-w-what's happening?" he asked sleepily in Dragonese.
* Dragons spoke Dragonese. Only Hiccup could understand this fascinating language.
[Image: Hiccup.]
"Oh, nothing unusual," Hiccup whispered back, scratching Toothless behind the horns. (He loved that.) "Gobber is shouting, Snotlout is showing off, and. we're all out here floating in tie fog and the cold when we could be tucked up in front of a roasting fire ... Ton can go back to sleep if you like."

Toothless chuckled. "You V-v-vikings are as m-m-mad as mackerel," he said. "W-w-wake Toothless up when it's l-l-lunchtime..." And he burrowed back down to the nice warm spot just next to Hiccup's left armpit and closed his eyes again.
Hiccup was sharing his boat with his best friend Fishlegs, who was even skinnier than Hiccup and looked a lot like a daddy longlegs with asthma and a squint. Fishlegs put his hand up in the air.

[Image: Hiccup.]
"It's all very well that they can't see us coming, sir," he pointed out logically, "but how are we going to see them so we can board them in the first place?"
"Easy-peasy, o plankton-brain," boomed Gobber, very pleased with himself. "Peaceable fishing boats are always followed by flocks of Lesser

Blackbacked Seadragons, hoping for a bite. All you have to do is follow the racket they make and you'll have found yourself a boat. You then simply board the boat yelling the Hooligan War Cry: repeat after me ... YAAAAAAAAAH!" yelled Gobber the Belch.
"YAAAAAAAAAH!" yelled ten of the boys back at him, brandishing their swords like maniacs.

"Yaaaaah," repeated Hiccup and Fishlegs, without much enthusiasm.
[Image: Men.]
"The Peaceables are terrified of us Hooligans, Woden only knows why ... Right, lads -- you steal one of their helmets to prove you have completed the exercise, and report back to me. THIS IS GOING TO BE LIKE BURGLING BERRIES FROM A BABY!" boomed Gobber the Belch.

"Oh, I nearly forgot. Silly me ..." Gobber laughed carelessly. "The one thing you do have to bear in mind is that ON NO ACCOUNT SHOULD YOU LEAVE THIS BAY. This is VERY IMPORTANT because just to the south of here runs the Summer Current, a warm stream of water, and you all know what lives in the Summer Current..."
"Sharkworms," gulped Fishlegs.

"That's right, Fishlegs," boomed Gobber. "I know Hiccup, our natural history expert, can tell us something about Sharkworms."
"Certainly sir," replied Hiccup, delighted to be asked a question about his favorite subject, dragons. He took out of his pocket a small scruffy notebook with How to Speak Dragonese written in large scrawly letters on the front. In this book Hiccup kept notes on the Dragonese language and descriptions of the various species of dragons and their habits.

"Well," said Hiccup, having trouble reading his own handwriting, "Sharkworms are a kind of dragon that look a lot like sharks. The adults can grow to about six meters in length, they have at least five rows of teeth --"
"GET ON WITH IT, BOY!" yelled Gobber.
"They are highly carnivorous and they not only scavenge off ships but climb aboard and attack you there ... On land they can easily outrun a man ... I would suggest, sir, that if there was even a chance we could run into Sharkworms we should leave the area immediately."

"For Thor's sake, boy," grinned Gobber the Belch, "with that kind of attitude you might never leave the house. I'm training you to be pirates, not softies."
"What happens if we get lost, sir?" pleaded Fishlegs.
"Lost?" snorted Gobber. "LOST! Vikings don't get LOST!"
"Honestly, sir," sneered Snotface Snotlout, "I don't know why you don't throw Hiccup the Useless and his fishlegged failure of a friend out of the Tribe completely. They're a disgrace to all of us."

Hiccup and Fishlegs looked miserable.
"I mean look at their boat, sir," continued the sneering Snotlout. "We're Vikings, sir, the greatest shipbuilders the Ancient World has ever known, sir. A raft like that just makes us look ridiculous."
"You think you're so clever, Snotlout," retorted Hiccup determinedly, "but this boat can go a lot faster than you think. Looks aren't everything, you know ..."

Unfortunately, Snotlout had a point.
The Hopeful Puffin was more of a floating accident than an actual boat.
She had been built by Hiccup and Fishlegs in Shipbuilding lessons, and they were both hopeless at woodwork. Something kept on going wrong with the design and instead of being long and thin like a Viking ship should be, she had ended up fat and almost completely round. Her mast was too long and leaned lopsidedly to the left, so that in a strong wind she went round in circles.

She also had a leak.
Every half an hour Fishlegs or Hiccup had to remember to ban out the seawater that had collected in the bottom of the boat with Hiccup's helmet (Fishlegs's helmet also had a leak).
Gobber the Belch looked at The Hopeful Puffin.
"Mmm," said Gobber thoughtfully. "You might have a point, Snotlout. NOW!" he continued briskly.

"At the sound of my horn, the exercise will begin."
He raised a curly-wurly bugle to his lips.
"Ooooh, jumping jellyfish," moaned Fishlegs, "I HATE the Pirate Training Program! We're going to get lost... We're going to sink ... We're going to get eaten slowly by Sharkworms ..."
"S-C-R-E-E-E-ECH!" screamed the bugle.