外卖骑手等餐趣事

（等餐中）
一美团骑手（三十多岁）来了，喊：“美团78！”
他看了看我，“嚯，你戴着美团的头盔，送饿了么，有点意思。”
我：“这很常见。”
美团人：“我当然知道。送得咋样了？”
我：“一般一般吧。现在刚开始，还不太会送，还得多跑跑。”
美团人：“正常。我送了一年了，现在一个月也就一万多吧。”
在饭店的人都看了看他。
美团人：“再多跑跑。你现在肯定比刚开始好多了，是吧？”
我：“没错，就是我的听力也变差了。”
美团人：“听歌听得？”
我：“对呀，你听过鹿晗的歌吗？我挺喜欢的。”
美团人：“当然了听过，你看。”
我看向他的手机。
我：“嚯，兄弟，我没想到你这么时...... 兄弟，这是张韶涵。”
美团人：“哦？你说的是个男的？！”

我：“是啊，不过千万不要在网上问这个问题，会有人喷你的。”
美团人：“真的？那你也别在网上乱说。”
我：“好，绝对的。”
—————
美团人：“其实你连那个头盔都不用戴。”
我：“我不想死，我还没结婚呢。”
美团人：“嗐呀，结不结吧，不是啥大事。”
我：“兄弟，你不身在其中，你体会不到。他们会乱说我这种没结婚的人。”
美团人：“我知道。”
我：“不，你不知道。他们说我某一方面肯定有问题，”
美团人：“我知道。”
我（音量变高）：“不，你不知道。他们说我要是三十多还没结婚，我的生活就会没有希望，只有失望！无望！绝望！....”
美团人：“我还没结婚。”
我：“....哦，抱歉....”
（沉默）
—————
我：“呃...这家饭出得有点慢，是吧？”

美团人：“其实可以不说话。”
我：“我知道，但是我想知道怎么能多跑单。”
美团人：“兄弟，我跟你说。在这一片儿，最重要的就是顺利街。”
我：“那条街？”
美团人：“顺路就接！ 天啊，赶紧别戴那耳机了，要不然你就快聋了。”
我：“没事，我还能听见。我觉得你说的对。送外卖还是需要技巧的。我跟我家里人就老说，不是所有帅哥只靠个电动车就能赚钱。你懂我意思吧？”
美团人：“兄弟，真正的帅哥不需要电动车就能赚钱。你懂我意思吧？”
我：“出餐速度太慢了，是吧？”
美团人（看着手机）：“随便吧，我要走了，快迟到了。”
我看了看厨房，向他说：“你真干了一年了。”
美团人（边走边说）：“当然了。”
几秒之后他又回来了。
我：“忘拿了吧。”
美团人：“呃...嗯”

我笑着把他要送的餐给他。
—————
我：“操！”
我往出走的时候，厨师喊：“等会，你忘了你的餐了！”
我：“走错饭店了！”
(waiting food)
some Mei Tuan(Chinese: 美团) guy(seem thirty's)came and shouted: "Mei Tuan 78th",
he looked at me and said: "whoa, you wear the Mei Tuan helmet , but work for E La Ma (Chinese: 饿了么), huh, interesting. "
me: "it's very common, not a big deal."

Mei Tuan guy: "i know, of course. so, uh, how's delivering going?"
me : "so so, i am not doing it well now, need some more practice."
Mei Tuan guy: "that's fine, you know, i've delivered food for one year. and now , i earn 13,000 Yuan a month. "
people in the restaurant looked at him with some sorta shocked and admiring looking.

he went on :" give it more time, now,you feel you're doing better than you were, right? "
me: " yeah, but i also feel my hearing isn't so good now. "
Mei Tuan guy :" listen music? "
me : " yeah, you know 鹿晗's songs? they're my favourite."
Mei Tuan guy: " of course i know, look."
i looked his phone.

me: "whoa. dude, you're so..... dude, it's 张韶涵."
Mei Tuan guy: "oh, that's a man?! "
me: " dude, if you send that on internet, you're dead."
Mei Tuan guy: " really? promise me, don't tell anyone about that."
me: " yeah, definately."
﹉﹉﹉
Mei Tuan guy: " hey, why do you still wear that helmet? you don't need to,you know? "

me: "i don't wanna die, i don't even get married yet."
Mei Tuan guy: "hell, marriage is not a big deal."
me:" buddy, easy for you to say, you don't know, they've been saying mean things to unmarried guy like me. "
Mei Tuan guy: "i know."
me :"no, you don't, they said there's something wrong with me. "

Mei Tuan guy: "i know."
me( emotionally): "no, you don't, they said if a guy like me, over thirty, still not get married, his life will be hopeless, unsuccessful, terrible...."
Mei Tuan guy: "i'm not married yet."
me: "......oh, sorry."
(silence.....)
﹉﹉﹉
me:"uhhh, cooking speed is too slow. isn't it? "

Mei Tuan guy: " it's ok not to talk."
me: "i know, but i wanna know how to earn more money."
Mei Tuan guy: "buddy, let me tell ya, the most important thing about delivering food is 顺利街。"
me: "哪条街?"
Mei Tuan guy: " 顺路就接，god, please take off that earphones or you are gonna be deaf."
me : "no no no, it's not a big deal. i still can hear things, that's fine. i think you're right. and really, delivering food needs some skills. as i always said to my family, not any handsome guy can earn money just with an electric bicycle. you know what i mean? "

Mei Tuan guy: "buddy, really handsome guy don't need an electric bicycle to earn money. "
me: " cooking speed is too slow. isn't it?"
Mei Tuan guy: "whatever, i gotta go or i'm gonna be late."
i looked the kitchen and said to him, "you really have delivered food for a year?"
Mei Tuan guy: "yeah, of course."

few second later he came back. 
me: " forget food?"
Mei Tuan guy: "uhhuh. "
i gave him the food.
me (smiling) : "here you go."
﹉﹉﹉
me :"damn it! "
as i went out, the cook shouted to me : "wait, you forget the food."
me: "wrong restaurant !"