法外狂徒之执行者【English Version】I（大量英文慎入）

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Even years after , Chief Crazitelly Hsiao of Bili Great Restaurant would still be carried back to that very day, when that very man left with his slender back, and with his very background music playing nonstop.

It was also a rainy day. The rain, along with howling wind, hung over the city pouring, making what ought to have been a flourishing neighborhood even more bizarre and motley than it had ever been. “What a downpour this is!” thought young Crazitelly Hsiao, a young guard of Bili Restaurant, glancing into the restaurant through the window of the guard room. The streets left empty, the tables standing lonesomely, he had nobody, with whom he could imagine an insane party. “Now that the weather is so gloomy, there can’t be anybody feeling like a drink…

” This thought in mind, putting on his bamboo hat and rain cape, the young guard intended to go outside to take down the signboard and put an end to the day.
“Nothing. NOTHING is what it is supposed to be!!”
Long before, this district used to be the most prosperous commercial zone, with Bili Restaurant enjoying the most popularity of the whole place. From dawn to dusk, the streets were always crowded with pedestrians. Tiring as the work was, Hsiao felt fulfilled and gay all the time. Unfortunately, a storm may arise from a clear sky. Just a few months ago, to the town came an unexpected guy. He was short, stout, and in rags. Although dwarf, as tall as five feet, he weighed horrendously up to three hundred pounds, his face so pimply as to make everyone who see him want to knead it with their hands until smooth. Nevertheless, this guy was the grand disciple of the No.1 Evil Sect of the globe — Markecount Sect, the Great Villain who constantly topped the chart in Clickbait Party as its chief, and also the bully who dominated the Yoosee Village — Gelkaj Rohtra. Wicked and merciless, Gelkaj had learnt a sorcery called Breaking News, making himself a master in bewitching innocent passers-by and sucking away their spirit, which added insult to injury for many already-not-well-off families. To make matters worse, Gelkaj was good at copying others. Every time other people got struck by inspiration and invented a certain new technique, he instantly started prying into and making a full copy of it, doing harm to others and good to himself. When asked about how he acquired that skill, he created a friend, who was said to have taught him, out of nothing under the cover of “Chen Tsang”. This excuse worked so well that later on he directly gave the answer “Don’t ask, or it is Reflection Han who passed it on to me.”

It was this beggar-like guy who ruined the peaceful atmosphere of the whole town with his evil magic. Every day he hung around, looking for busy, crowded places and fed on spirits to his own satisfaction. If no tourist was around to become his victims, he would randomly wander into a café or restaurant to eat, the clerks there serving him gratis, forced by his Breaking News. None of the local safeguards or constables were equivalent to his power, thus they let him do anything as he liked without a second choice. Not long later, visitors from the country all feared to come, which depressed the economy, Bili Restaurant being no exception. Crazitelly witnessed the departure of every single cook and servant, and took over their jobs in tears. Unable to make ends meet, he had to butcher the cooing pigeons that had been kept in the dining hall for long, so that he could give out the payoffs on time. With the hustle and bustle of city life now replaced by bleakness and remoteness, how come he would not feel heartbroken?

“Hmm? Knocking off so early?”said a sarcastic voice from Crazitelly’s back, immediately sending shivers down his spine. He turned round and… Whoa! The speaker looked more like a ghost than a man, with a five-feet body and a disgusting appearance. Yet this is not any type of demon, but the Great Villain — Gelkaj Rohtra!

“Say, don’t you even know to serve your customer? Anyway, I’ll help myself.” said Gelkaj as he walked straight into the restaurant. “What a poor place! There’s not a single man for me to suck away his spirit!” He murmured while conveniently picking up a flagon of wine and two large sausages at the front table. Then he seated himself comfortably at a table and started wolfing down the food in an extremely rude manner.

“There hasn’t been a lot of customers today. Just get away fast when you finish.” Crazitelly stood in the way at the front door in case anyone wanted to get in as he stared with burning rage at the villain. How he wished he could put an end to these crimes in one kick with his bare foot! However, he was still capable of reason that there was no way he could win over that bustard. The only things he could do now were to tolerate and pray — to pray for no more customers. Even if he wasn’t able to defeat Gelkaj, he was quite sure he could, anyhow, flee from the scene. But when it comes to ordinary people, they were definitely to be robbed of their spirits and left to die.

That was when what he least expected took place.
“Man it’s pouring so hard! Let me in and get a quick drink, will you? Mr. Waiter?” Out from the mist came an energetic young man. He looked pretty handsome at eight feet tall, his cheeks glowing with health, his eyebrows bushy and dark like lying silkworms, his eyes slanted like a phoenix, shining like stars in the night sky. Wearing a golden hat and a bottle green gown, he had a temperament completely different from others.

Seeing the man enter, Crazitelly went pale with fright. No sooner had he intended to stop the man than he heard a whisper of “Breaking news…” from Gelkaj. All of a sudden he found himself out of control of his own body. “Mental Contamination! Intelligence Paralysis! It’s Gelkaj’s psychic-dominating technique!” thought Crazitelly in desperate. He was clearly aware that this had been the most powerful combo of Gelkaj, which would compel anyone to become a golem inside-out once the spell is put on. He helplessly watched himself get out of the way and serve his customer, who was pleased to receive his service, still not alerted about anything about the danger. Crazitelly secretly felt pathetic for this young man, as he was by no means going to escape the catastrophe.

The young man looked around and chose a vacant table to sit. After ordering a couple of dishes and a wine, he began to enjoy his meal as if there were no one else in the restaurant.
Gelkaj was full of interest in this guy, gazing at him with a hentai expression. Ever since the inhabitants in the town were killed one by one, everyone cared only about their own safety and he had not seen a second person being so handsome and fit, who fascinated him to such a degree that he was determined to prey on the man, for long. And not only predation, but to mess with his prey before devouring it like what a cat does to her rat (More professionally, van). Putting down his sausage, Gelkaj strayed to the side of the young man, and, without asking permission, sat down opposite to him. (Technically we call this “to start a conversation from nowhere”) “Hey man…

”
“Address me as ‘Your Highness’.” said the young man in detestation, his eyes fixed on his plate.
The arrogance of his prey further excited Gelkaj, who replied with a trembling voice, “Yes… Yes… Your Highness — may I possibly have your name?”

“I come from the Guan family and rank second in my generation. They all call me Guan Zhong (the second). As for nonentities like you, just call me Sir Guan, or Master Guan.”
“Oh yes… Sir… Guan…” Apparently, Zhong’s “tsundereness” totally overwhelmed Gelkaj. Never had he felt so agitated as to have shivers even in his skull. No longer able to hold back his desire, he would love to capture this interesting young man in front of him, and gain full possession of his prey!

“Your Highness — I shall take GOOD care of you — heart and soul…”
(Chanting for a technique)
“Huh? What did you mumble just now?”
“Breaking news! Just recently I happened to come across a Master Guan, in whom I had great curiosity…”

“Ahoy, I shan’t preserve your corpse in whole unless you stop there!”
“Much to my surprise, things turned out to be like this. What do you guys think about it? Please give a nice big thumbs up, leave your comments (will) in the comment section (The World) below, and smash that Subscribe button…”

“… Esoteric Technique: BREAKING NEWS — BRAINLESS THUNDER!!!” In a matter of a second, a purple lightning bolt erupted out of Gelkaj’s mouth, striking Guan Zhong. A giant cloud of black smoke diffused from Zhong’s body. Satisfied at Zhong’s being enough vulnerable for him to release his killer move, a complacent smile crept onto Gelkaj’s face. “A perfect puppet! He he he, let me…

”
“SMACK!” A big hand suddenly stretched out of the thick smoke, seizing Gelkaj on the neck. Gelkaj got a fright, but he was, after all, the Great Villain, with rich experience in every single corner of the country. Casting a replacement spell, he switched places with a chair far from them. Scarcely had he escaped than the solid wooden leg of the chair was squeezed to bits, letting out a loud cracking noise. Gelkaj, terrified, turned round to look at Zhong, only to see a holy flicker of light pierce the smoke, promptly dissipating the smoke that had filled up the entire building. “Bullet-screen Shield. Not in your plan, is it?” sneered Zhong, stepping out of the smoke, safe and sound. In his hand was a long blade forged out of coin spirit, shimmering with might. Blade-forging Technique — a Coin Sect powerhouse! (Getting into business >:D)

“It was because he had detected me ages ago! Darn it!” Upon seeing this, Gelkaj instantly regained reason. He tremendously regretted having judged Zhong by his appearance, not realizing he was from Coin Sect! Still and all, the die had been cast, and it definitely did no good crying over spilled milk. The only solution now was to fight his way out! Making up his mind, he began to cast magics without another word. Wrongful Curse, Audience Instigation, Argument Provocation — three powerful spells of bullet-screen witchcraft flew towards Zhong. Not dodging the attacks, Zhong again sneered before slashing his blade onto the spells, which miraculously vanished into void.

“Bullet-screen Technique: Bullet-screen Block(M)ing!”
Just as Gelkaj was astonished at what had happened, Zhong swiftly chanted for an Advanced Bullet-screen, pointed his blade at Gelkaj, and cast the spell Report Junk. The three blocked bullet-screens popped out of the air with extra size, and roared towards Gelkaj in the color of LOVE.

DOOM! Gelkaj was knocked back, flew out of the restaurant, collided into a pillar, and laid still on the floor with blood gushing out of his mouth.
Zhong took no care about Gelkaj and walked up to Crazitelly, who had not been able to move a bit due to the psychic domination. “Yup, he’s still good to be saved.” concluded Zhong, after looking him over. “Hey buddy, you’ve got a new notification on Dingtalk!”

“For the sake of O Warma!” Crazitelly was shocked as he recovered from stiffness. Though he lost control of his body, he was conscious throughout the fight and witnessed everything. Now he’s got a passionate admiration for this powerhouse of Coin Sect. “O my benefactor, please accept my humble worship!” he exclaimed.

“Gee, get up, get up! It was not me that saved your life, but your toughness!” smiled Zhong. “I came down the mountains to deal with this nuisance, and I’ll need your help to succeed.”
“Me?” asked Crazitelly, confused. Before he could say anything else, Gelkaj started speaking.

“Who… who on earth… are you? Why… why haven’t I… heard of you?”
“I’ve been serving my master and have just left the mountains. If you don’t know me, then I wonder whether you’ve heard about my junior fellow apprentice Zhang San, his nickname the Outlaw, from the same sect as mine?”

Gelkaj was blown away by the nickname. Zhang San! How come there were anyone in the world who have no knowledge about the Outlaw? That guy was the third apprentice taught jointly by Father Trisup from Oneclick Sect and Old Man Sponger from Sponger Party! It’s said that the two masters had two other apprentices. The first of them was from the Liu family and was ridiculously wealthy. The second had his name unknown and was fluent in Bullet-screen Techniques. He was rather unsociable and tsundere, but was also loyal, faithful and good-looking. Somehow this second one had chosen to stay inside the sect instead of leaving for adventure. Surely this powerhouse can’t be that unnamed apprentice…

can he?
“Alright, my bad luck today. But unfortunately, Sir Guan (can’t help calling that name by now XD)… Did you know that you would never kill me even though you’re powerful? My enchantments of “Winner, winner, chicken dinner” and “Just the last billion times” can revive me after my death! You just wait until I rise to real power and crush your teeny-weeny sects and parties!! Muahahahahahaha…

” heehawed Gelkaj wildly.
“Alas, I know that, which is really annoying!” Zhong rested his hand on his forehead and sighed as if frustrated. “So what next?” He looked over to Crazitelly jokingly and asked, “Well bro, do you believe then, that I can mince him with ease?”

“O Master, you must have the capability to end him, right?” replied Crazitelly anxiously. The ray of hope of revitalization is penetrating the haze of Gelkaj, and Crazitelly truly wanted to seize it. “If it’s conducted by O Master, then it’s certainly to be a great success!”

“Ha ha, you’re so cute!” grinned Zhong. “Well then, I’ll make it come true… Ultimate Sponger Technique: AS YOU WISH!”
(You can guess the effect with this name given XD)
SNAP! As the spell was cast, blinding flashes glittered inside Bili Restaurant. Guided by the Sponger Technique, Zhong cast the ultimate spell of — “No-wrong: Report Junk!”

“ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!!!!!!!!!!!!” With a desperate howl, Gelkaj was reduced to dust, beyond redemption.
“Hmm. He’s really long gone! As I expected! Ok, now that my mission has been accomplished, it’s time for me to go!” Zhong restricted his coin spirit, picked up his pack and headed for the door. “Yo buddy, hope to see you again!”

“Master! Master Guan! Please don’t go!” Crazitelly came back to himself from his astonishment, and hugged Zhong around his thighs. “PLEASE Master, please recognize me as your apprentice! I shall serve by your side, heart and soul! Please accept my service and let me become stronger! I also desire to protect this world like you!”

“Oh? Stronger? Ha ha, get up, don’t do that. You’re already pretty powerful!” Zhong helped Crazitelly, confused expressions on his face, rise to his feet, and softly said, “The brave in anger dare point their swords at the mighty, while the coward only bully the vulnerable. Faced with Gelkaj, you did not fight him in impulsiveness for you understood that you were too weak to, that’s wisdom. Seeing me come, you attempted to warn me against him, that’s righteousness. Your life at risk, you did not lose your moral integrity, that’s faithfulness. With all these precious qualities, you are already made a strong man. Those for their motherland and people are the chivalrous. As for strength, or power, or anything like that, that’s just the icing on the cake.”

Somehow the rain had stopped outside. Crazitelly accompanied Zhong as he walked outside. “So buddy, have I done the right thing?” questioned Zhong suddenly. Crazitelly was considering that when Zhong forged a steer out of coin spirit, and rode away laughing and singing aloud a magnificent and catchy song.

“Bright light no wrong, shines on the ground so strong…”
Watching Zhong’s back disappear into the horizon, Crazitelly was filled up with various emotions. He looked down on his watch, which was a Roll’ex. It was his master Tribore Zhoo who gifted him this watch when he finished his apprenticeship and became a qualified safeguard. “The more you wear a Roll, the greater your responsibilities will grow.”

“So that’s ‘The more I wear a Roll, the greater my responsibilities will grow…’” said Crazitelly to himself. “Master, I have learnt my lesson!” He looked up to the sky, to the direction where Guan Zhong left for, and started playing that song that went with him.

“Bright light no wrong, shines on the ground so strong…”
……
“Sister, what’s Chief Hsiao singing?”
“Shush, No.33. That’s the song sung by Chief’s benefactor when he left. Don’t disturb him. Just let him sell, I mean, sing it.
Outside Bili Restaurant are the blue skies clearing up from a downpour. Every bit of the scenery looks exactly the same as that of years ago. The warm comforting sunshine pierces the clouds, covering the peaceful town in a pleasant golden shimmer. Yes, as the lyrics go, the bright light with no wrong is shining on this land, once, and future…

(To Be Continued…)
注释：
Crazitelly Hsiao：原文为“萧巅石”，谐音“小电视”。Crazi-即Crazy，取“巅”谐“癫”之意；-telly意为“电视”。
Bili Great Restaurant：哔哩楼。
The streets… party：原文为“无人的过道，空荡的店里，没有一丝生机，只有他一人，幻想着狂欢的party。”取自知名r（shi）a（lang）p（song）金句：“淡黄的长裙，蓬松的头发，拉着我的手看最新展出的油画。”

Markecount Sect：营销宗。Marke-取自Marketing，意为“营销”；-count取自account，帐号。Marketing account也即“营销号”。
Clickbait Party：标题党。Clickbait即“标题党”，本文为强调其为门派加上了Party的称谓。
Yoosee Village：UC村，Yoosee，谐音UC。
Gelkaj Rohtra：无良小编。Gelkaj，为jack-leg（无良的，恬不知耻的）省去c后倒写；Rohtra，为Author（作者）改u为r后倒写。改变字母是为了调节名字的发音。

Breaking News：“震惊！”此为营销号及标题党常用开头（施法前摇），用以吸引观众，赚取流量，其页面中多是没有营养的烂视频或文章。
... which added... families：给本就不富裕的j家庭雪上加霜。 add insult to injury，雪上加霜。
... he created... Tsang”：无中生友（有），暗渡陈仓。create sth. out of sth. 意为“无中生有”，本句将前一个sth. 代为friend，取“有”谐“友”之意。under the cover of sth.意为“在…的掩护下，本句将sth.代为Chen Tsang，意为“暗渡陈仓”。此处为双成语（梗）连用。

"Don't ask... me"：Don't ask, or... 意为“别问，问就是…”。
Reflection Han：原文为“韩道英”，取“韩倒影”之谐音。
The cooing pigeons：咕咕叫的鸽子，用以指代什么不言而喻。
Mental Contamination：精神污染。
Intelligence Paralysis：降智打击。paralysis，原意为“使…瘫痪”，“使智商瘫痪”即“降低智商”。

To mess with his prey：原文为“van♂”。
Guan Zhong：暗指“观众”，哔哩楼最为强势的群体，掌管各UP主（及鸽子等）的生杀荣辱兴衰沉浮。“仲”为古汉语中“排行第二”之意。
Tsundereness：源自日语つんでれ（tsu n de re），“傲娇”。词尾加-ness即构成名词。
What do… button…”：各视频网站中（尤其是）营销视频结束时无良小编多采用的结束语。
Esotonic Technique… THUNDER!!!"：原文为“秘技·震惊大成·无脑惊雷”。Technique在本文皆指“术”。

Bullet-screen Shield：弹幕护体。
Coin spirit：币气。可类比“查克拉”“真气”等。
Coin Sect：币宗。
The die… milk：“The die has been cast.”“It's no use crying over spilled milk.”两句皆为英语谚语，意为“木已成舟，于事无补。”
Wrongful Curse：无脑喷。curse原意为“诅咒”“辱骂”。
Audience Instigation：带节奏。instigation原意为“煽动”。

Argument Provocation：引战。provocaion原意为“挑起”“引动”。
Bullet-screen… Block(M)ing：弹幕术·弹幕屏蔽。Blocking，意为“屏蔽”，同时形似本文翻译者的ID：BlockMing（一个半凉不火的UP主）。
Advanced Bullet-screen：高级弹幕，以其独特的弹幕大小、运行轨迹和强大的威力等闻名江湖。
Report Junk：弹幕举报，是观众们维护江湖秩序的法宝利器。
LOVE：爱情的颜色。同时为Undertale梗：Level Of Violence，暴力指数。

“Hey buddy… Dingtalk!"：“老铁，你钉钉响了！”此诀可令被精神污染控制之人立刻恢复神智。
For the… O Warma：意为“以Warma（某知名UP主）的名义！”在称呼神明、尊主等地位高的人时，在其称呼前要加O，如O God（我的天啊）。
Zhang San：即张三，江湖有名的传说级人物，人称“法外狂徒（即下文的the Outlaw）”。
Father Trisup：三连老祖。Father，对神父、有地位有名气的长者等的尊称。Trisup，取Tri-（三个的）和support（支持）之缩写，意为“三连支持”。

Oneclick Sect：一键门。Oneclick，即one-click，可类比one-punch（一拳）。
Old Man Sponger：白嫖老怪。Old Man，对老人的称呼，可译作“某老汉”。Sponger，本意为“吃白饭的人”“寄生虫”。
Sponger Party：白嫖党。
Winner… dinner：即“大吉大利，今晚吃鸡”，原文为“吃鸡秘法·苟到最后”，修炼此法者可免除致死伤害。语出《决胜21点》。
Just the… times：即“再来亿遍”，修炼此法者可在死后无限复活。

AS YOU WISH：即“借你吉言”。施法者可将旁人的言论（愿望、目标等）转化为现实。
No-wrong: Report Junk：“正道·举报术”，为普通举报术的加强版。普通举报术仅可使敌方的弹幕消失，而正道术版本可令敌方施术者本体也灰飞烟灭。
Those for… chivalrous：“侠之大者，为国为民。”
The icing on the cake：原意为“蛋糕上的裱花装饰”，引申为“锦上添花”。
Bright light… strong：即“正道的光，照在了大地上”，为正道术修炼者口口相传的歌诀，犹《正气歌》，诵之即正气蔽体，邪毒不侵。

Roll'ex：劳力土手表。
Tribore Zhoo：朱三口。Tribore，取Tri-和bore（公猪）之意，“三口猪”。
The more… grow：“劳力越带，责任越大。”
Just let him sell：即“让他恰（推销）”。
感谢各位能够耐着性子阅读到这里！
再次，如果大家喜欢的话，还请给个素质三连吖～另外，如果能关注小鸣和原文作者，那就更是icing on the cake啦！感谢大家的支持！
读都读到这了，也不差那一个三连了吧（滑稽）