英文灌水日记 8月31日(4)
任何一个正常人如果身陷抑郁症的泥潭当中，都会希望自己能快快好起来，回到一个事业有成、家庭美满的健康人状态当中，而我却不然。如果上帝让我许个愿，我一定希望自己的抑郁症永远不会得到治愈，因为一旦治愈，我就必须重新回到正常人的群体当中，跟着他们一起赚钱买房、不断砸钱升级自己的座驾、朝九晚五累死累活地苦几百块钱，而身处抑郁症患者的群体当中，我却能发挥自己的价值：跟他们口若悬河地大谈自己的哲学理念、帮他们写几首以抑郁抒情见长的曲子、在他们中间培养几个天赋秉异的钢琴高手。抑郁症是一种富贵病，也就是说当一个人不愁吃不愁喝以后，他就会开始思考人生的意义，想着想着就钻进死胡同里面了，不知不觉患上了抑郁症，所以在郁金香里面从来都不缺殚精竭虑思考人生这一盘棋的思想家和哲人，每个人在患病之前都充分考量了人生、阅读了大量灵性方面的书籍，而饱读诗书、学富五车的我只有在这个群体里面才能找到自己的一席之地，一旦被治愈后的我回到正常人的群体，就不得不压抑自己对智慧和知识的渴望重新面对柴米油盐酱醋茶的窘境，所以就算赐给我一百个杀威棒我也勉为其难治愈自己的抑郁症，因为只有得了抑郁症才能进入他们的那个圈子，只有在这个圈子里我才能找到自己存在的意义和价值。
Any normal person, if remains in dire straits of depression, hopes himself get better as soon as possible and get back to a healthy state of career success and family happiness, but I am just the reverse. If I could make a wish, I am bound to hope that my illness will never be cured, because once it is done, I will have no other choice but to return to the group of normal majorities, as a follower of mainstream values accumulate money for house, spend it to upgrade my car and busy for a nine-to-five job, yet I, if break away from these things, can maximize my value when I am exposed to the group of depressive patients: to make speeches about my philosophical ideas among them, to write a few melancholic and lyrical pieces for them, to cultivate several adept piano players among them. Depression is a disease peculiar to the rich, that is to say one begins to meditate on the meaning of life when he need not worry about food, with these thoughts he strayed into a blind alley and then slipped into depression without consciousness. Therefore, Tulip is never running short of thinkers and philosophies who rack their brains for life, value and meaning. Everyone gave full consideration to life and read a large collection of spiritual books before illness. Only in this group I, a talented, educated and gifted man, am in line for a place for myself. Once I am cured and return to the group of normal majorities, I will have to repress my eagerness for wisdom and knowledge and face to face with the predicament of worldly things. So, I would rather be lashed one hundred times than to get my disease cured, only so can I stay in the depressive group, and only in this group can I find my meaning and value for existence.
Any normal person, if remains in dire straits of depression, hopes himself get better as soon as possible and get back to a healthy state of career success and family happiness, but I am just the reverse. If I could make a wish, I am bound to hope that my illness will never be cured, because once it is done, I will have no other choice but to return to the group of normal majorities, as a follower of mainstream values accumulate money for house, spend it to upgrade my car and busy for a nine-to-five job, yet I, if break away from these things, can maximize my value when I am exposed to the group of depressive patients: to make speeches about my philosophical ideas among them, to write a few melancholic and lyrical pieces for them, to cultivate several adept piano players among them. Depression is a disease peculiar to the rich, that is to say one begins to meditate on the meaning of life when he need not worry about food, with these thoughts he strayed into a blind alley and then slipped into depression without consciousness. Therefore, Tulip is never running short of thinkers and philosophies who rack their brains for life, value and meaning. Everyone gave full consideration to life and read a large collection of spiritual books before illness. Only in this group I, a talented, educated and gifted man, am in line for a place for myself. Once I am cured and return to the group of normal majorities, I will have to repress my eagerness for wisdom and knowledge and face to face with the predicament of worldly things. So, I would rather be lashed one hundred times than to get my disease cured, only so can I stay in the depressive group, and only in this group can I find my meaning and value for existence.
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